The hole swallows me whole. Consumes me, total. I am only a hole. Insatiable. Unable to be filled. Unfathomable. Hollow. In my space and time I seek. I told myself I was whole. I thought I loved myself. I lost myself in the hole. I walked down into it and then it was covered over.Continue reading “3/16/19”
One moment, you’re human, the next moment, an animal. It is probably the last night, as I slump beneath his sheets, clawing at his will. Everything is a fucking façade. Tell me you love me. I know it’s true. A mask worn. A need for approval. Mascara running, hysterical, drunk. Once the admiration fades, theContinue reading “Who?”
From February 2018: Dear Dad, I’m not homeless. I’m just camping. Love, Stephanie
I took care of you. When you were stressed or overwhelmed, I comforted you. When you were sad, I held you. When you were angry, I tried to calm you. When you were excited, I went off duty. When you were happy, I let you be you. When you were content, I went to myContinue reading “Gymnopedie No.1”
It’s a girl! A new baby girl. The parents: Me. The child: Me. Mom: Me. Dad: Me. Who do I want to raise this child to be? What can we teach her? How, also, can we let her be free? Free from fear. Free from limiting beliefs. Free from separation. Free from critique. Open completelyContinue reading “It’s a Girl”
Oh, the distance I have come. Oh, the distance I will go. Continually on the path towards growth. For the past 30 years that growth was imperceptibly slow. Normal rates of maturation that come with age. Once I hit that last exact there was an altered speed beyond my comprehension. Time sped up. Mind slowedContinue reading “Call of the Wild”
Right hand over left, I begin the internal quest to answer the questions that rest on my lips, on my tongue, on my mind, on my breast. Experiences, emotions, in need of digest. Radically nourished, mind begins to meld, into body, feeling held. Singing softly, mother’s milk. Sipping slowly, get my fill. Supremely safe. Protected,Continue reading “Mother, Father, Child”
Sometimes, when the conditions are right, and I just sit and notice, my heart breaks wide open at the extraordinary sights. At how incredibly alive this world is; how potent.
Night gives way to an orange line glowing bright. Outside my window, under the velvet mesquite, a fire burns in the sky. A life without bounds gives way to the day. Where dreams are still real but take longer to stay. Red and orange turn to purple and blue. The time between sleep and movementContinue reading “Desert Sunrise”
Street side musings in Flagstaff.