stephlentini

3/16/19

The hole swallows me whole. Consumes me, total. I am only a hole. Insatiable. Unable to be filled. Unfathomable. Hollow. In my space and time I seek. I told myself I was whole. I thought I loved myself. I lost myself in the hole. I walked down into it and then it was covered over.Continue reading “3/16/19”

Who?

One moment, you’re human, the next moment, an animal. It is probably the last night, as I slump beneath his sheets, clawing at his will. Everything is a fucking façade. Tell me you love me. I know it’s true. A mask worn. A need for approval. Mascara running, hysterical, drunk. Once the admiration fades, theContinue reading “Who?”

Sedona

From February 2018: Dear Dad, I’m not homeless. I’m just camping. Love, Stephanie

Heart Shivers and Beautiful Women

From March 2018: Today. My car is getting an oil change. Today. I am sitting outside a smoothie shop typing, listening to ‘easy pop’ to get in the zone. The sun is shining on my nose, lips, chin, neck, chest, shoulders, fingers, solar plexus, arms. A puppy is next to me chewing on a bush.Continue reading “Heart Shivers and Beautiful Women”

Can I Cut It?

I’ve been actually traveling around in a van for the last two weeks. I say ‘actually traveling’ because I’ve mostly been stationary since I moved into my car in January of 2018. Yes, I have moved to different places over the last 8 months, but once I arrived, I stayed there for at least aContinue reading “Can I Cut It?”

Gymnopedie No.1

I took care of you. When you were stressed or overwhelmed, I comforted you. When you were sad, I held you. When you were angry, I tried to calm you. When you were excited, I went off duty. When you were happy, I let you be you. When you were content, I went to myContinue reading “Gymnopedie No.1”

It’s a Girl

It’s a girl! A new baby girl. The parents: Me. The child: Me. Mom: Me. Dad: Me. Who do I want to raise this child to be? What can we teach her? How, also, can we let her be free? Free from fear. Free from limiting beliefs. Free from separation. Free from critique. Open completelyContinue reading “It’s a Girl”

Call of the Wild

Oh, the distance I have come. Oh, the distance I will go. Continually on the path towards growth. For the past 30 years that growth was imperceptibly slow. Normal rates of maturation that come with age. Once I hit that last exact there was an altered speed beyond my comprehension. Time sped up. Mind slowedContinue reading “Call of the Wild”

Mother, Father, Child

Right hand over left, I begin the internal quest to answer the questions that rest on my lips, on my tongue, on my mind, on my breast. Experiences, emotions, in need of digest. Radically nourished, mind begins to meld, into body, feeling held. Singing softly, mother’s milk. Sipping slowly, get my fill. Supremely safe. Protected,Continue reading “Mother, Father, Child”

Sedona Love

The last time I wrote was almost a month ago, to this day. Today is February 23, 2018. I am sitting in the Chocolatree trying to silence out the nom nom chanting going on above my head, the pull to connect with my beautiful Tree Sisters, and the burning sensation inside of my solar plexus.Continue reading “Sedona Love”