The hole swallows me whole.  Consumes me, total.

I am only a hole.  Insatiable.  Unable to be filled.  Unfathomable.  Hollow.

In my space and time I seek.  I told myself I was whole. I thought I loved myself.  I lost myself in the hole.  I walked down into it and then it was covered over.

Am I in a hole?

I feel pressure to be someone and no is even expecting that.  I feel pressure placed on myself, coming from outside me; it’s a figment of my imagination.

I feel trapped inside but also I like it in here.  I feel like I should get out but also it’s cozy in here.  I feel like something is wrong with me but also I’m kind of fine right now.

I’m only not fine because I tell myself that something is wrong with me.  I see other people doing things and I tell myself I can’t do those things.  Or I won’t do those things.  But I want to do those things.  And I don’t want to do anything.

What is the day if there is nothing to show for it?  What is the point of life if I never leave my cave?  What is the point of anything if no one likes me?


One thought on “3/16/19

  1. Sometimes a day of nothing is needed to just rest in Gods presence, staying in the cave is ok for a day but u must Perservere the next day with purpose in mind, n if no one loves u, know Jesus n ur entire family n close friends do….


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