“If you can’t fly then run. If you can’t run then walk. If you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” -Martin Luther King Jr.
Today is Wednesday, January 18th. I slept at a campground last night in Oak Creek Canyon just outside of Sedona. I just got back from a long weekend in Bishop, California and I felt like I needed some alone time outdoors with the water and rocks.
Last Wednesday, I spent the evening with my witchy friends doing tarot readings. I got clear on some things that I wanted to release from my way of being. I also got the sense that I needed to see L (my ex) in order to do that. Thursday morning I got in my car and began the 10 hour drive ‘back’ to Bishop to face some shit. Before I left, I set the intention to get closure. And sometimes, closure comes in the energetic form. Actually, energy is always present. So, what I mean to say is, sometimes closure comes in the physical form. I don’t know what has shifted yet, but I feel exhausted and I know that a lot was processed over the weekend.
A byproduct of this lofty closure adventure was that I got to see some of my girlfriends. On Friday, Lauren, L and I went to scramble on some boulders and soaked in the hot springs. We went to eat Mexican food for dinner and Lauren officially met her match on chip eating champion. (L ate twice as much as both of us combined).
I had the pleasure of sleeping in L’s beautiful Sprinter van all weekend. It’s like being in a swanky-ass hotel with a kitchenette under a blanket of stars and then sunlight. It was hard to not stay, but Sedona was calling. Also, my life.
I forgot to mention that before I left Sedona, I had arranged to meet with the owner of The Chocolatree the next Tuesday for an interview. (I got the job). The Chocolatree is a vegetarian restaurant that strives to offer and foster a space of authenticity. Their philosophy is perfectly aligned with my personal practices of presence, love, and honest self-expression. I am so delighted to make my ‘work’ an extension of my ‘life’ and not two separate entities. Woohoo!
On Saturn-day, I spent the afternoon alone in the desert, studying astrology and being present for my Saturn Course. I got to speak to a friend for an hour plus and enjoyed some rest and rejuvenation. In the evening, I met up with my girlfriends and others for sushi in town.
On Sunday, I went bouldering with the crew. It was amazing to be back in the bouldering world. It’s such a thing. It’s such a big thing for people. It’s such a big thing for many of the people I’ve formed friendships with over the last 5 years. It was such a defining facet of my relationship with L. It was nice to watch it from a detached perspective and view the intensity and the passion from a place of non-judgment and especially, non-attachment. I enjoyed touching rocks and suspending my body above ground on fingers and toes. I enjoyed dancing around in climbing shoes and making jokes with friends. I enjoyed eating snacks and petting other people’s dogs. I enjoyed walking away and looking at the mountains off in the distance. I enjoyed stretching and meditating. I enjoyed trying to get to the top but not trying too hard. I enjoyed being with my friends. I enjoyed being outside for 6 straight hours. I enjoyed hearing people grunt and curse and holler when they succeeded. I enjoyed observing this strange world in which I can blend in so well.
That night we went to the brewery. L goes there every night that friends are in town. I would like to say that every climber goes there every night, but I know I’d be exaggerating. It’s a happening spot, to say the least. Bishop is this weird place where it seems like everyone is a rock climber. At the Brewery, you either know each person, one of their friends, or their instagram name. It’s a small world. It’s the only town in the world with a population of 10,000 that you might know, by one degree of separation, half of the inhabitants or visitors. That is, if you are a climber. Or more specifically, a boulderer. Or even more specifically, a boulderer who lives in California And is present on social media. I’m on a tangent and talking about something that no one would understand except for the people who don’t read this blog.
On Monday, L took me to see two sets of petroglyphs.
We ate a salad and soup in his van and said a heart-felt goodbye. I drove for two hours through winding roads with no cell phone reception and I sang along to Hozier songs and I cried. I spoke to my mom with little-to-no enthusiasm. I spoke to Marisa with a little bit more. I spoke to Katie about confusion. I drove until I could drive no more. I got a hotel room that night in Kingman, Arizona. It was 11pm and I was practically useless. I knew that I didn’t have much money, but getting a hotel room for the night was the best investment I could have made at the moment. I drove into Sedona the next day around 12:30pm, just in time for my coaching call with Chris. She helped me process. Then my witches helped me process. I went camping last night and the creek took my fears away. I let the water wash away my old ways of relating.
Today, I am stepping into my next stage of development. Today, I am releasing the need to play small. Today, I call back all parts of me.
Tomorrow, I start my first day of way-showing (hostessing) at The Chocolatree. Tomorrow, I continue to step more fully into the being of me.