The Mind is a Psychopath

I have been learning a lot about ‘thinking on purpose’ lately.  This means bringing attention to the conscious and unconscious thoughts in my mind and deliberately choosing thoughts that feel the best.  Last night, I was reflecting on some commitments that I am making, and these thoughts came up:

I’m not good enough.  I’ll never be good enough.  I am irresponsible.  I am irrational.  I make bad decisions.  I’m not good enough.  I am too fat.  I cuss too much.  I talk too much.  I need to be quiet and listen more.  People don’t want to hear about me.  I’m not special.  I am self-involved.  I am not good enough.

This stream of consciousness was flowing like Niagara Falls.  It seemed unstoppable. I could choose to believe these thoughts, or I could not.  I decided to bring in an exercise that I got to practice in a coaching session recently.  It’s called ‘plot change’.  It’s as simple as it sounds.  I wrote, “plot change” in my journal, and moved into positive thoughts.  It wasn’t easy to transition at first, because the negative thoughts were so loud.  This is what came up:

I am a badass.  I can handle anything that comes my way.  I am capable of doing anything.  I am unique.  I have a lot of cool things to say.  People like to talk to me.  I am smart.  I listen to my intuition and take action.  I care deeply for others.  I love myself.  I am amazing.  I am living my best life.  I am making decisions based on evolution and becoming my best self.  I am doing my best.

Coming up with these thoughts were tough.  I was really spiraling in the shit.  I thought about the possibility of continuing to challenge myself to say nice things, generate positive thoughts, but I had a feeling that the negative thoughts needed to be heard as well.  Sometimes when I write my negative thoughts down, I get scared.  Like if I write them or speak them, they must be true.  But then all I end up doing is avoiding them, and therefore, they persist and remain unconscious.  And the coolest part is, they are only true if I choose to believe they are.  Isn’t that spectacular?!  The point of this exercise, for me, was to bring conscious awareness to my thought patterns.

Plot Change:

I am lazy.  I’m not doing anything with my time.  I am not a hard worker.  I am wasting each day.  I am irresponsible.  I am distracting myself with new desires each day.  I am lazy.  I am not going to do anything with my life. I will never earn enough money.  I will always just barely get by.  I don’t have what it takes.  I am lazy.

Plot Change:

I work for what is important to me.  I am fun and funny.  I am enjoying life.  I am happy.  I am joyful.  I am learning.  I am giving myself time to transition.  I just went through a major change.  It’s okay for me to take time to figure things out.  I am figuring things out.  I am creative, resourceful and whole.  I am courageous.  I am being authentic and brave.  I support myself.  I am doing a great job.

This time, the positive thoughts were gaining some traction.  It was easier to come up with this stuff.  Amazing.

Plot Change:

I am lame.  I am scared.  I am lazy.  I’m not good enough.  I’m irresponsible.  I can’t actually do whatever I want.  I don’t have enough money.  I’m not willing to work for what I want.  I’m lazy.  I’m impatient.  I’m being dramatic.  I’m unrealistic.  I want too much too soon.  I can’t have everything that I want when I want it.  I am privileged and entitled.  I expect the world to give me everything I want.  I’m not willing to work for what I want.

Now I can see the core of my negative thought loop.  The theme is becoming clear.  I can start to pick these thoughts out and address their validity.  I can choose to believe them or not.  If I choose to believe them, then I can choose to change my behavior or actions.  If I choose not to believe them, then I can find a proper replacement.  This was pure gold for me.

Plot Change:

I am at peace.  I am doing a great job at becoming my best self, at changing and evolving.  I have so much to offer the world.  I am powerful beyond belief.  I have a very strong point of view.  I love what I have to say.  I can do anything I put my mind to.  I am resourceful.  It is fun to ask for what I need.  It is fun to create an amazing life.  I am having fun experimenting with what works for me.  I love this life I’m living.  I have everything I want and need.  I can create anything.  It is fun to be a deliberate creator. I am creative.

The key here is not to trick myself into believing that I believe something that I don’t actually believe.  I know, it’s a mind fuck.  I’m not just repeating affirmations over and over and trying to force this new thought into my consciousness, kind of.  I mean, I am doing that.  But I’m also looking at the negative thoughts.  I’m giving them a voice and then I’m telling them that I know they are bluffing.  If these thoughts were a person, I’d tell them they were full of shit and I didn’t want to be their friend anymore.  I don’t want to believe that I am lazy.  I don’t want to believe that I’m not good enough.  These thoughts don’t serve me best.  They only lead to negative emotion, and unconscious action, and ultimately, undesirable results.  So I am choosing to think thoughts that serve me better.  Like, I am a badass and can handle anything that comes my way.  Or, I am creative, resourceful and whole.  Also, I have everything that I want and need.  I am doing my best.  I am doing my best.  I am doing my best. ❤️