I have been learning a lot about ‘thinking on purpose’ lately. This means bringing attention to the conscious and unconscious thoughts in my mind and deliberately choosing thoughts that feel the best. Last night, I was reflecting on some commitments that I am making, and these thoughts came up:
I’m not good enough. I’ll never be good enough. I am irresponsible. I am irrational. I make bad decisions. I’m not good enough. I am too fat. I cuss too much. I talk too much. I need to be quiet and listen more. People don’t want to hear about me. I’m not special. I am self-involved. I am not good enough.
This stream of consciousness was flowing like Niagara Falls. It seemed unstoppable. I could choose to believe these thoughts, or I could not. I decided to bring in an exercise that I got to practice in a coaching session recently. It’s called ‘plot change’. It’s as simple as it sounds. I wrote, “plot change” in my journal, and moved into positive thoughts. It wasn’t easy to transition at first, because the negative thoughts were so loud. This is what came up:
I am a badass. I can handle anything that comes my way. I am capable of doing anything. I am unique. I have a lot of cool things to say. People like to talk to me. I am smart. I listen to my intuition and take action. I care deeply for others. I love myself. I am amazing. I am living my best life. I am making decisions based on evolution and becoming my best self. I am doing my best.
Coming up with these thoughts were tough. I was really spiraling in the shit. I thought about the possibility of continuing to challenge myself to say nice things, generate positive thoughts, but I had a feeling that the negative thoughts needed to be heard as well. Sometimes when I write my negative thoughts down, I get scared. Like if I write them or speak them, they must be true. But then all I end up doing is avoiding them, and therefore, they persist and remain unconscious. And the coolest part is, they are only true if I choose to believe they are. Isn’t that spectacular?! The point of this exercise, for me, was to bring conscious awareness to my thought patterns.
I am lazy. I’m not doing anything with my time. I am not a hard worker. I am wasting each day. I am irresponsible. I am distracting myself with new desires each day. I am lazy. I am not going to do anything with my life. I will never earn enough money. I will always just barely get by. I don’t have what it takes. I am lazy.
I work for what is important to me. I am fun and funny. I am enjoying life. I am happy. I am joyful. I am learning. I am giving myself time to transition. I just went through a major change. It’s okay for me to take time to figure things out. I am figuring things out. I am creative, resourceful and whole. I am courageous. I am being authentic and brave. I support myself. I am doing a great job.
This time, the positive thoughts were gaining some traction. It was easier to come up with this stuff. Amazing.
I am lame. I am scared. I am lazy. I’m not good enough. I’m irresponsible. I can’t actually do whatever I want. I don’t have enough money. I’m not willing to work for what I want. I’m lazy. I’m impatient. I’m being dramatic. I’m unrealistic. I want too much too soon. I can’t have everything that I want when I want it. I am privileged and entitled. I expect the world to give me everything I want. I’m not willing to work for what I want.
Now I can see the core of my negative thought loop. The theme is becoming clear. I can start to pick these thoughts out and address their validity. I can choose to believe them or not. If I choose to believe them, then I can choose to change my behavior or actions. If I choose not to believe them, then I can find a proper replacement. This was pure gold for me.
I am at peace. I am doing a great job at becoming my best self, at changing and evolving. I have so much to offer the world. I am powerful beyond belief. I have a very strong point of view. I love what I have to say. I can do anything I put my mind to. I am resourceful. It is fun to ask for what I need. It is fun to create an amazing life. I am having fun experimenting with what works for me. I love this life I’m living. I have everything I want and need. I can create anything. It is fun to be a deliberate creator. I am creative.
The key here is not to trick myself into believing that I believe something that I don’t actually believe. I know, it’s a mind fuck. I’m not just repeating affirmations over and over and trying to force this new thought into my consciousness, kind of. I mean, I am doing that. But I’m also looking at the negative thoughts. I’m giving them a voice and then I’m telling them that I know they are bluffing. If these thoughts were a person, I’d tell them they were full of shit and I didn’t want to be their friend anymore. I don’t want to believe that I am lazy. I don’t want to believe that I’m not good enough. These thoughts don’t serve me best. They only lead to negative emotion, and unconscious action, and ultimately, undesirable results. So I am choosing to think thoughts that serve me better. Like, I am a badass and can handle anything that comes my way. Or, I am creative, resourceful and whole. Also, I have everything that I want and need. I am doing my best. I am doing my best. I am doing my best. ❤️